God I hate Mondays!
God I hate post holiday work Mondays more!
God I have to prepare my own breakfast … what is that all about??? ….
Errr where are my car keys????
Ah jaysus – I have to wear pants ….
Ok how does this car thing work ….???
Eeeeeekkkkk wrong side of road …. Come on Mood dawg … wake up ….
This is going to be the longest day EVER….
Great traffic lights …. Sigh … what I was up to this time last week …. <Cue day dream sequence>
So the day had finally arrived – WWT 2015 …. Some 36 excited Piranhas all descended on Dublin airport in the very early hours of Sunday morning. It was also the first meeting with the 20 non piranha domestiques who had been selected after a nationwide X-factor style competition from a variety of lesser clubs. They had won the honour of cleaning our bikes for the week. The excitement in the domo’s eyes when they got to meet their heroes in person was a special moment we all will cherish for a long time.
Most of the chat on the plane was understandably about the weather we were about to leave behind and what we were heading towards. An embargo on any weather related news from home was put in place until mid-week.
Day 1 – Arrival/Introductions/Leg loosener run
Upon arrival in Faro airport, we were ferried to the training camp some 30 mins away. As was to become a feature of the camp, Paul Mooney hopped onto a nearby moped and bailed ahead of the team bus to beat us there.
After our introduction to the Endurance solutions team, our coaches for the week, everyone headed off to their digs for the week. Despite being the first time spending time together – it was clearly obvious how certain dynamics were going to play out. No more so than with Barry Mc leading Roger by the hand to their apartment explaining how the week would work. It would be an extremely productive camp for Ricer – as he was finally taught how to brush his hair and the full alphabet.
The training element of the camp kicked off with a gentle run session on the cross track to freshen the legs. After which , the camp got its first taste of the all you can eat buffet dinner. Despite clear warnings– few paid heed to the dreaded weight gaining curse of the camp regardless of the massive training volume and dove headlong into the desert offerings. Fergal Daly lead the way in this regard.
Will Owens gently foam rolled up and down between the tables as the rest of the gang intermingled.
Day 2 – Medium spin&brick/Open water swim/Run session
Recognising that cycling as a discipline would not allow the different abilities to train together (as we would aim to in swimming/running), the camp was divided into Alpha-athletes, the Beta-spinners and the group that liked to debate a lot.
Day 2 saw the first real session these groups were put into action as our coaches took us out on the hills of Portugal. The Alphas did a spritely 80km around the local terrain and soon learnt that Sergio (our coach/guide for the week) was not to be trusted in any information he imparted in relation to distance or elevation. “It’s a little hill” was way too often followed by a chirpy “Ok guys – lets GO!!” – it was after the third instance of this Sergio realised that “ya little bollix” was not a term of endearment.
There was a short brick session after the spin as the three groups converged as one again and it was nice to see new friendships were beginning to blossom already. Frank O’Connor did his utmost to encourage inter group relationships by starting in group 1 and then ending up in group 3 by the end of the day – although the fact he wiped out and destroyed his helmet in front of the newbies may have wound them up a little.
After lunch there was a sea swim session where we picked up some useful tips on how to handle waves/entering and exiting the water. Some of the athletes (Judy) were much more comfortable at exiting than entering but this was to change during the week as confidence increased.
In the evening run session – Jacqui displayed some worrying pride in her Barney themed running costume. Based on her purple leggings alone – her resistance to pledging her loyalty to Piranha over Clonliffe was not a point for concern. Ronan and Sinead were more easily swayed and happily burnt their clonliffe tops on day two. Tom Ennis took it a step further in his journey to becoming a fully fledged triathlete by taking his bike to bed.
After the run, the group convened for dinner where everyone was impressed with what they had achieved so far and were a little nervous over what was to come later.
From the restaurant balcony, the group could see Will Owens gently foam rolling by the pool sucking on a beetroot….
Day 3 – Medium spin&brick/Open water swim/track session/S&C session
Day 3 started with an early morning swim session with a number of Piranhas been painfully reminded of the annual need to apply body glide. Some of the neck injuries were impressive including Emer T who almost beheaded herself.
A nice leisurely breakfast was followed up by a short, sharp spin of between 40 – 60km. The most notable occurrence on the advanced spin was a contender for quote of the camp with Siobhan proudly exclaiming “What can I say … I am a screamer”. Seeing as her blood curdling yell had just forced a speeding Mercedes E class to take evasive action from our group – who were we to argue?
That afternoon – there was a trip to the track where we were taken through our paces in terms of drills and 400 metre repeats. Some people enjoyed this more than others – Declan Cunningham was a massive fan.
After the track session – the entire group was taken through a strength and conditioning session with one of the coaches. Due to the coaches unfortunate description of feeling of the transverse muscle contraction being similar to resisting the urge to urinate – Kev B christened it the “anti piss muscle” and did not go to the toilet for the remainder of the trip to build his core. Sinead H was less successful in this regard as she kept face planting during the exercises proving one needs a good core to “stomach” my gags.
Day 4 – Lashed out of it
Weds saw a further gluttonous example of carb loading in the now familiar restaurant before all of the various groups headed off on a spin of between 50 – 70km. This ended up being the worst of the days weather wise as Portugal literally dumped its annual allocation of rain fall on the camp. The sound of squelching was notable when anyone turned their pedals as Sergio tried to keep our spirits up – Paul Boyle seemed unfazed by it remarking that it was kind of like a warm shower that never stopped.
Everyone was grateful to get back to camp at the end of this spin – and the joy of avoiding an ironic end of drowning on our bikes resulted in an impromptu drinking session in the local Café that evening. Rumours of secret snogs on route home in the early hours amongst new and experienced Piranhas have been difficult to tie down.
Day 5 – Running and swim analysis
Day 5 had always been a planned non bike day and after the monsoon from the previous day it was a welcome respite to allow bike shoes, rain jackets and innards to dry out. So the first session after breakfast was an easy long run partly on the local cross track. The run was notable for the turned head of the male Piranhas as they marvelled at the technique and form of the under 16 East Anglia Harriers females. So much so the course needed to be rerouted to take into account the hastily imposed local constabulary restraining order. Shame on you Shane (voted best looking man on camp for his age)
The crew then broke for lunch and very much welcomed a clear change in the weather pattern with farmer tans beginning to be on show. Micheal Grimes was adamant that pink would eventually turn brown.
The afternoon saw a choppy yet fun open water sea swim The water was not overly friendly and Malibu Barbie decided to skip it for the day. A lesson in Dolphin diving/exiting was the order of the day and Linda Clarke proved to be quite the expert
That evening in the nightly briefing – an exercise in why fascism flourished so much in the right circumstances was demonstrated. This was borne out as all the non-aggressive groups talked themselves in circles over potential distances/climbs the long cycle would take the next day. The Alpha group just listened and debated which of the groups we would eat first if the plane crashed in the alps.
After no real clear outcome – the groups broke for the night and Frank went back with a parchment of paper declaring he had achieved peace in his time.
Day 6 Long hilly spin
Day 6 was the longest day with an epic hilly cycle planned for all – everyone was nervous about the weather as this could severely curtail our fun. However, these fears proved to be completely unfounded as after a short brief spitting shower – the weather turned out to be perfect for the day.
The Alpha group was pushed on with its usual tail wind of testosterone but made worse by some shameless willy comparing with more attacks than a TDF stage. FFS lads we are meant to be working together yet Mooney, Wilbert, McD and Rob C seemed determined to knock what little brains they had out of one another. In the end – it was the quiet man, David Sheridan of SMTB that won the coveted KOM prize by getting to the top of the Alto mountain first by riding a genius tactical race.
QOM, unsurprisingly was Brianne, who continued her quest to demasculate most of the males! Jesus the girl can climb!
At the top of the summit – the group wolfed down the finest coke and mars bars has to offer. It was with additional glee that greeted Rita and the support car with even more food goodies for the hungry group.
Just before we departed – the Alphas attempt to abandon Enda on this spin was thwarted after group 2.1.and Ciara NiF found him doing endless laps of a roundabout somewhere in downtown Abuertfra. The kind hearted non aggressive group took pity on the little fella and took him under their wing. They apparently regretted this decision instantly as his Alpha testerone did not fit in well with the group 2 care bear culture and he upset a lot of people by barking at them whilst doing wheelies at the front of the group.
It was a quicker trip home to close out the day which included a now mandatory drive by one of the “Female orange vendor/Lost bus passenger/Hooker” depending on who you asked in the group – Phil Sykes was delightfully naïve in this regard.
There was a palatable sense of achievement from all of the groups upon returning to the hotel – with everyone enjoying their own personal milestone with some well deserved pool time and food.
The Café owner warmly welcomed a school of Piranhas seemingly determined to assist him put his daughter through college – this time it was the ladies leading with fray with Judy Sangria leading the charge. Rachel Hayes looked on proudly on her little ray of sunshine sculling the jar.
The girl power contingent was further represented in Belinda, Tara W and Linda O’Neill ably following Judy’s lead.
Day 7 recovery riding and transition tips
Day 7 paid no respect to sore limbs nor livers as there was a recovery spin on the cards directly after the now ritual over eating of breakfast. The Alphas blasted through in record time after welcoming back Siobhan and Mark from their brief secondments to the lower groups.
Following this short spin – all of the groups reconvened for some transition tips and practice. Much fun was had when the coaches introduced some “real life” spanners in the works for the crew to deal with in transition. This included much wailing of “Ahhhh where is my bike shoe?”, “Jesus why am I in this gear????” ….
The afternoon sessions involved a brisk enough interval session where Will Owens revealed his sensitive side – in that he cannot run after 2 gin and tonics the night before – the rest of the Piranhas did not embarrass themselves as much …. Well that is only applicable to those who actually turned up….
Day 7 also was the big day of end of camp celebrating with a night trip into nearby hamlet for a change of scenery and grub. A local Irish bar was commandeered and the whole group let their hair down.
Despite our best efforts to keep the name of the club up – we were routinely mistaken for a hen, stag or touring golf teams and no-one would believe we were the cream of Irish Triathlon wrapping up a training camp. This may have had something to do with
- Piranhas shamelessly dancing on tables,
- Piranhas lobbing the gob on actual touring golf team members,
- Piranha being prevented by security of performing impromptu strip show on one of the tables,
- Piranhas impersonating dancing pink toy cows en mass,
- Piranhas abandoning dancing pink toy cows despite being intended as a present for their 5 year niece (shame on you Will Owens),
- Female Piranhas and a male chaperon being refused entry a local strip club
- Piranhas doing tours of all Portugal to find any fast food outlets open at 6 in the morning
- A nameless Piranha (Niamh Tucker) admitting she has always been a one direction star
Aside from that – it was a quiet enough night and was completely in tone with the club ethos.
Final day – aquathon and journey home
Some very bleary heads emerged for the final day aquathon in a vain hope it would clear up hangovers – it didn’t but the sight of Roger Rice zig zagging on the run leg was semi worth it.
Just before we boarded the bus for home – the winner of the hotly contested award was announced. Niall McD, chairman elect in this regard, informed Andi of her victory. Louise Dooley silently fumed. However, this award did highlight some cultural confusion between Bayside and Canada as later on Liz inquired politely what a “hoop” was
<Car horn beeping loudly>
Ok what meetings do I have today?? … why did I not take a day off??
Here we go …. Office time … Game face….
“Oh yes it was lovely, thanks for asking Fred”, “Yup not long enough Mildred”, “No I did not buy you any toberlone Johnny …. I am an athlete”
Ok time to fire up the laptop …. Good morning Bill Gates
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